Posts Tagged ‘the living impaired’

Obama unveils No Zombie Left Behind Act

Friday, March 27th, 2009

(Above:  an integrated zombie/human math class learns the ins and outs of integrals)

In a surprise move this week, President Barrack Obama announced the “No Zombie Left Behind Act,” a series of sweeping education reforms pertaining to the living impaired.  “It’s time we recognize the rights of these disadvantaged students,” said Obama. “Education in the U.S. isn’t just from the cradle to the grave.  Just because a person isn’t living doesn’t mean they aren’t learning.”

The NZLBA rewards schools with high testing undead pupils with Title T funds.  “This money is an umbrella for these students, protecting them from the horrors of the sun and tax levie funding,” said Obama.  “Let me make this clear.  This money isn not a handout; these students have got to get brains.”  He further added:  “braaaains.”

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