Posts Tagged ‘Secession’

Practical Economic Solutions, Volume I: The Mandatory Secession of Montana

Saturday, March 7th, 2009

Welcome to the first installment of Stampworthy’s “Practical Economic Solutions,” a hard-hitting series that proffers practical solutions to today’s economic woes.

Volume I: The Mandatory Secession of Montana

The benefits of Montana’s secession from the United States are almost as plentiful as its only natural resource:  militia men.  Firstly, we’ll stop wasting government spying on these psuedo-separatists.  The Montana Militia has already prepared a new bureaucracy, flag, and currency for their new State, so we don’t have to arrange another expensive puppet regime.   We’ll have a new trading partner in Montana, one whose needs are be immediate and thorough.  While their currency is primarily backed by bear furs, our support will foster world wide recognition of its value.  This also helps bolster the U.S. dollar.

When the deal begins to sour, the U.S. will declare war on Montana.  This domestic effort is far cheaper than our exotic campaigns.  Moreover, it brings troops closer to home.  More Americans will be put to work building a great wall around this new hostile boarder.  Once we’ve subdued the Montanans in battle, we can use it as a cheap tourist destination or penal colony.

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