Given the pre-election financial crisis of ’08, investors may have found their solution to stabilize portfolios from the chaotic melee that is the NYSE.

“The Linden (L), is a digital currency just like the dollar, so it is a very easy investment vehicle for us to understand and leverage.”, stated Ecutrade… Stabillex… now Profitrust Chief Investment Officer Roger Willmore, “it gives us unprecedented stability in such a chaotic market. Its fool proof! I’d know. Just look at those numbers! It trades like paper, but is as stable as gold.”

Other viable trading mediums include: cocaine, heroin, vital organs, and refined uranium.

When the Giants win, we all lose.

It appears that returning Super Bowl champions bring with them an economy striking hit. Stock brokers poured onto the streets, hoisting Eli Manning onto their shoulders. Ticker tape showered onto the crowds. Joy spread throughout the “Canyon of Heroes Parade”, all while the NYSE plummeted.

Now the ticker follows a vector closely mirroring Tom Brady’s sex life. It’s alright Tom, you are a handsome guy. You have a super-model girlfriend. I for one am pulling for ya’. Get back on that horse and spur our economy to new heights.

And as for you New York City… Get back to work and don’t let it happen again.