Democrat and self-described liberal Tom McStomPhon found himself in an ethical dilemma Wednesday morning, when, in effort to “get his money’s worth” from an early-morning erection, couldn’t decide whether to fantasize about Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin or Sen. Hillary Clinton.
“Don’t you want it, you stupid, right wing airhead?” moaned Tom, as he gently caressed the tender head of his engorged member. “That’s right, scream for me! Scream, ‘Africa is a continent’. Yeah… oh, where did you come from, Lady Senator? You want me to lie down here?”
“This is clearly an imbalance between the need to dominate and the recent catharsis of the election,” said Prof. Bounce, Head of the Sexuality and Lotion Department at the University of Phoenix. “During the Clinton years, liberals like Tom preferred submissive fantasies, often finding themselves as Bill Clinton, caught cheating with Monica Lewinsky. Then Hillary comes in, and probably either ties the guy up, or uses him as a urinal, or something like that.”
“But during the Bush years, liberals turned to aggressive domination fantasies, flailing Condi Rice for treading on the Constitution, or anally training Laura Bush in the bathroom of a Baptist Day Care,” Prof. Bounce concluded, “…for my money, there’s nothing better than Janet Reno forcing me into a schoolgirl outfit.”
Eventually, Rev. McStomPhon was forced to abandon his conflicted political sex fantasies. “I was too conflicted, too confused. I eventually went with this girl who rejected me in middle school who now has three kids by two fathers. We do it in the back of my Toyota, and she keeps commenting on how roomy it is.”