Posts Tagged ‘hillary clinton’

Liberal Torn Between Palin, Clinton for Masturbation Fantasy

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Democrat and self-described liberal Tom McStomPhon found himself in an ethical dilemma Wednesday morning, when, in effort to “get his money’s worth” from an early-morning erection, couldn’t decide whether to fantasize about Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin or Sen. Hillary Clinton.

“Don’t you want it, you stupid, right wing airhead?” moaned Tom, as he gently caressed the tender head of his engorged member. “That’s right, scream for me! Scream, ‘Africa is a continent’. Yeah… oh, where did you come from, Lady Senator? You want me to lie down here?”

“This is clearly an imbalance between the need to dominate and the recent catharsis of the election,” said Prof. Bounce, Head of the Sexuality and Lotion Department at the University of Phoenix. “During the Clinton years, liberals like Tom preferred submissive fantasies, often finding themselves as Bill Clinton, caught cheating with Monica Lewinsky. Then Hillary comes in, and probably either ties the guy up, or uses him as a urinal, or something like that.”

“But during the Bush years, liberals turned to aggressive domination fantasies, flailing Condi Rice for treading on the Constitution, or anally training Laura Bush in the bathroom of a Baptist Day Care,” Prof. Bounce concluded, “…for my money, there’s nothing better than Janet Reno forcing me into a schoolgirl outfit.”

Eventually, Rev. McStomPhon was forced to abandon his conflicted political sex fantasies. “I was too conflicted, too confused. I eventually went with this girl who rejected me in middle school who now has three kids by two fathers. We do it in the back of my Toyota, and she keeps commenting on how roomy it is.”

Jack and Hill went up the Hill, the Capitol – Hill?

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

Apparently Jack Nicholson has allowed clips of his movies to be pasted together in a poor attempt to form a coherent thought. That thought? You should vote for Hillary Clinton! The similarities between Clinton and Nicholson are striking, they both scare the hell out of us here at Stampworthy!

However, what is it that these clips imply about Hilary? Take for example the first, where the Joker is exclaiming “Money Money Money!” to the good citizens of Gotham. The Joker ends his message by gassing anyone in an eight block radius. In the Shining, good ole Mr Torrance grabs an axe and tries to hack up his family . . . A clip from a Few Good Men is seen as well about a minute in, where in the same scene Colonel Jessep (played by Nicholson) also states “If you haven’t gotten a blow job from a Superior Officer well, you’re just letting the best things in life pass you by.”

Using this video as a framework, we can easily deduce what Jack really thinks about Hillary, and womankind in general:

And of course we must include with all respect, the parody to the first Nicholson ad, which is an unofficial ploy for Obama. We here at Stampworthy do not endorse either candidate, however this one is much funnier, so it wins:

Happy Voting!

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