“Yes, we’re having a budget ‘risis,” said councilwoman ‘athy ‘rane.  “We need to pi’k low hanging fruit in order to ‘ontinue operations.”

“The ‘ity ‘ouncil doesn’t have enough money to just give out letters willy-nilly” added treasurer ‘ristopher ‘opland.

“The board has already adjusted the spelling and pronun’iation of our names in ‘on’ordan’e with this initiative,” said ‘rane.  “I ‘an only hope the people of Hartford, ‘onne’ti’ut follow our example.  We’re in this ‘risis together.”

“‘hanges in ‘lassroom ‘urri’ulum will begin at the ‘lose of the week,” said ‘rane.  “Re-edu’ation is needed to ensure these ‘hanges are applied to all aspe’ts of so’iety.”

When questioned about the possibility of replacing ‘c’s with ‘k’s and ‘s’s, ‘opland was incredulous.

“Do you know how much spa’e a “k” takes up?!” said ‘opland.  “That ‘ould only make the problem worse–’an’t you see that?  ‘ome on people!”