On the eve of the national election, President George Bush has announced a new plan to end the conflict in Darfur: fireworks.
“I know what yer thinkin’,” said Bush in a televised press conference. “Isn’t it too dang hot in Asia for fireworks? Well my advisers assure me that they’ll work just fine.” When pressed on the issue the Maverick president explained the plan further. “Don’t you remember your history? At the end of the American Revolutionary War there were big fireworks–that’s how they knew to stop fightin’. Well I figure, if those people done see fireworks, they’ll know their war is over.”
The fireworks program requires additional military funding. Experts project the costs to be somewhere in the neighborhood of $150 billion. “It’s time we Americans tucked our chaps into our boots, tightened our hats, and did our share of helping,” said the president. “These things ain’t free, well, unless we get them Chinese ones with all the lead.”