Posts Tagged ‘freedom like a shopping cart’

D.C. homeless’ demands for “change” lead to shortage and unlikely solution

Friday, January 16th, 2009

As the inauguration of President Obama’s draws closer, officials in The District of Columbia are wondering what to do about the shortage of change caused by the homeless population.   “The people of this city have been generous to our domicilitically challenged” says D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty.  According to a 2008 poll conducted by the ACME Polling Institue, D.C.’s homeless are 60 percent more affluent than homeless in cities of similar size and income.  “This has serious consequences, namely, no one has any change for the bus,” says Fenty.  “Something must be done.”

Fenty’s appeals have been answered by new Secretary of Treasury Timothy Geithner.  “Normally problems like this are best handled at the local level,” says Geithner, “but foot traffic congestion at the inauguration is a major concern–we knew we had to do something.”  That something is the minting of a new $1.35 coin bearing the portrait of president Obama.  “We’re going to hand them out to ever denizen of the city to make sure everyone has change for the bus,” says Geithner.  “The coins will only have value for one day, so as not to affect inflation.  My aides tell me you still must report them on your income taxes.”  He pauses before adding, “I’m sure as hell going to.”

As for the homeless in D.C., Mayor Fenty has bigger plans.  “We’re going to round up and melt down all of the homeless,” says Fenty.  “They’re rich in silver, copper, alcohol, and cardboard–it’s time we harvest natural resources at home.  Who knows?  They could be the source of a new bio-fuel.”

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