Archive for the ‘Travel’ Category

Stamps on a plane

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

We are now one week away from the first ever Official Stampworthy European Extravaganza! Pretty neat, huh? We can’t explain our entire itinerary as of yet, however we can reveal that hostels will be involved.

As we pack for our flight, it would probably be a good time to review the list of prohibited items allowed while checking in your carry on at the airport, for your own reference:

Items permitted in aircraft cabins:

Cigar Cutters
Cork Screws
Cuticle Cutters
Eyelash curlers
Insulin delivery systems
Nail clippers with nail files attached
Nail files
Pets (if permitted by airline, check with airline for procedures)
Safety razors (including disposable razors)
Syringes (with medication and professionally printed label identifying medication or manufacturer’s name)
Walking canes and umbrellas (once inspected to ensure prohibited items are not concealed)

Items prohibited from aircraft cabins:
The following items will not be allowed through the security checkpoint. In addition to items specifically listed here, other items that may be deemed to present a potential threat may also be prohibited.

All Guns and Rifles
Automatic Weapons
Baseball Bats
BB Guns
Bows and arrows
Box Cutters
Compressed air guns
Corkscrews with sharp edges
Cricket bats
Disabling chemicals or gases
Dog repellent spray, Mace or Pepper Spray
Fire extinguishers
Golf clubs
Gun lighters
Hockey sticks
Ice axe/Ice pick
Knives (any length)
Large, heavy tools (such as wrenches, pliers, etc.)
Martial Arts or Self-Defense Items
Metal scissors with pointed tips
Pen knives
Pepper Spray
Plastic explosives
Pool cues
Portable power drills
Portable power saws
Razor blades (not in a cartridge)
Road flares
Ski poles
Straight razors
Stun guns/shocking devices
Tear gas

We at fully endorse all methods taken by law enforcement officials in order to prevent and / or apprehend terrorists and dangerous / suspicious individuals. And, we would thank our lucky stars if you could also prevent any mutheh faakn snakes from being on the — umm — aircraft?

However, a stunning revelation occurs upon review of this list: what if the untimely event of a plane crash occurs, and your beloved, irreplaceable stampworthy team members are stranded on an island in the middle of the Indian ocean??! What’s that? Atlantic, Indian, its all water right? Stop nitpicking and read the post!

The sad truth is that most (not all) of the items needed to survive a plane crash and inevitable island stranded incident are also the items considered dangerous by most of the major airlines. The prohibition of bows, arrows, guns, and ice picks eliminates any hunting, and I can’t very well chop wood without an axe, now can I?? Absent from this list are matches and lighters, however I wonder how well these would light when wet anyhow. You aren’t going to remember to hold on to these items as you plummet into the ocean in a large, steel deathtrap.

Don’t even try signaling for help, as you won’t be accompanied by your road flares.

It makes you wonder why the lovely flight crew offers their safety procedure course at all, doesn’t it? Our advice if you are in an emergency event such as a plane crash? Just drown. You won’t be alive when the sharks start to feed on you.

We will pick up correspondence when (if) we reach the great continent of Europe in the southern hemisphere. Wish us safe travel, we’ll need it!

Pope Cancels U.S. Visit After Staining Dress at Outback Steakhouse (TM)

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008


Pope Benedict XVI cut his U.S. visit short after a mere eight hours in the country. The Pope stained his dress during a dinner with President George Bush at an Outback Steakhouse (TM). “Lord knows I should have brought more than one,” he told the media via satellite telephone from his personal jet.

The restaurant chain would not disclose what the Pope was eating at the time of the incident, but Stampworthy sources inside the clergy disclosed the stain was from an order of baby back ribs. “He usually eats them in the bathtub,” said the source.

The Pope plans to return to the U.S. soon, this time with a larger wardrobe. “Next time I’ll bring some red ones–like that Llama guy,” he said.

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