Archive for the ‘Media’ Category

Squid strike enters second week, newspaper industry issues ultimatum

Monday, March 30th, 2009

The giant squid protest against the newspaper industry entered its second week yesterday.  “Ultimately, we’re hopeful there will be a timely resolution that’s beneficial to all parties involved, but we can’t keep waiting” said Rupert Murdoch, owner of The Wall Street Journal, one of the papers affected by the strike.  “If they don’t get back to work by the end of the week, we’ll be forced to take drastic actions.”

Giant squids, whom produce 80 percent of the ink used to print papers, have been lobbying for better hours and a more comprehensive dental plan.  “Grghghgh ghghg ghghrrr,” said Grrrghr, the representative of the Architeuthis dux genus.

The heads of the five newspaper families will meet later this week in New York to discuss what to do about the protest.  “It’s a sticky situation,” said Murdoch.  “The newspaper industry is a sinking ship that can’t afford to provide life vests to every pissant employee.”  While he denied any knowledge of their presence, an inside source informed Stampworthy that Japanese fishing boats with the FOX logo have amassed along all major world coasts.  Murdoch did comment however, “giant squid sushi would fetch a pretty hefty price on the underground seafood market.”

One ring is forever

Friday, May 16th, 2008

De Beers has announced its purchase of the Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Ring movies. The world’s largest diamond supplier was made plans with Jackson to re-release the films on DVD and Blue Ray with updated packaging and product synergy.

“The messages in Jackson’s films are parallel to our story hear at De Beers,” said Nick Oppenheimer, the Chairman of De Beers, at a press conference this morning.

“We’re going to show the world that one ring is forever,” Jackson added.

The purchase comes only a week after news of CBS’s deal with Jackson to design their new Eye of Sauron logo.

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