A new study conducted by The Institute of Truly-Great Science affirms the long-held theory that a child’s hopscotch ability indicates their likelihood of achievement later in life.
“This will revolutionize our approach to education,” said TITS scientist Dr. Rusty Meyers.
The century long study on which the paper is based is comprised of data gathered at elementary schools across the U.S.
“It’s taken us a long time to assemble this information, but the results are crystal clear,” said Meyers. “The better you are at hopscotch at age 6, the more successful you’ll be by age 60.”
Dr. Meyers could only theorize as to the ‘why’ of the connection. “I’m not sure as the to primary link,” he said. “But it probably has something to do with drive, determination, and an intense fear of humiliation and hazing from insensitive hop-heads.”
Among the tentative conclusions reached in the TITS study is a controversial call for a mandatory hopscotch exam for admission to elementary school.
“We know it’s not going to be popular,” said Meyers. “But you have to ask yourself–is it really worth a teacher taking extra class time to help a kid color between the lines when they can’t even hop between them?”