Archive for the ‘Metal Sunday’ Category

Metal Sunday: Lynyrd’s Innyrds

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

Band name: Lynyrd’s Innyrds

Genre: blues/goregrind

Themes: the rebel flag, slaughter, Union butchers, butchery

Lyrics: “If I cleave her tomorrow, would she be able to tell the cops about me, for I must jumping state lines now, ’cause there are other circulatory systems I need to open, but if I stayed here with you girl, your corpse just wouldn’t be the same, ’cause I’m freer than a jailbird now, and this bird you can not change, lord knows I can’t change.”

Image: Lynyrd Skynyrd meets Charles Manson meets Carcass

Tag line:  “Sweet Home Gore-o-rama”

Metal Sunday: Plutonium

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

Band name: Plutonium (Pu)

Genre: Progressive sludge metal

Themes: Engineering isotopes, UN inspections, and the annihilation of humanity

Lyrics: “bring me my wine/the dawn of my rebirth/sleep/forget/when the cup is empty/I drink from nothingness/forever/transcend through time”

Image: Southern and Old Country-refined class, plus goggles

Tag line:  “Pu-666, the heaviest of metals”

Metal Sunday: God Damm

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

The bad boys of Christian rock (Head, Scott Stapp, Eric Cartman, Styper guy)

Band name: God Damm (ft. former members of Korn, Creed, Faith + 1, & Stryper)

Genre: Christian Pop Metal

Themes: Being the bad boys of Christian rock, posing, and God complexes

Lyrics: “With robes wide open/under the glass panes/Welcome to my
chambers/I’ll show you everything”

Image: Sheep skins

Tag line:  “I can see, I can see, I can see I’m going blind (without Jesus)”

Metal Sunday: Bozo

Sunday, March 15th, 2009

Band name: Bozo

Genre: shoegaze/metalgaze

Themes:  laughing, crying, applying makeup, giant shoes, squirting flowers

Lyrics: “doot doot dodododo doot doot doodoo, doot doot dodododo doot doot doodoo, doot dodo doodoo doot dodo doodoo, dodododododododo doo”

Image: Frank Miller meets Pagliacci

Tag line:  “This is the space between laughs.”

Metal Sunday: Metalmorphosis

Sunday, March 8th, 2009

Band name: Metalmorphosis

Genre: avant garde, noise metal

Themes:  satire, inhumanity, guilt, isolation, inadequacy, absurdity, bureaucracy, social norms

Lyrics: “When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin…”

Image: Kafkaesque

Tag line:  “Dear Max, please burn everything”

Metal Sunday: Tanked!

Sunday, March 1st, 2009

Band name: Tanked!

Genre:  Progressive Metal

Themes:  panzers, drinking, swimming, changing the water every now and then

Lyrics: “blub blub blub blub blub”

Image: the heaviest of tanks

Tag line:  “Go Fish”

Protesters lobby for free trade coke

Sunday, February 15th, 2009

Times Square was flooded with protesters today demanding free trade cocaine.  “We’re tired of the harmful trade conditions [sniffle] surrounding the coke trade,” says Martha Smith, head of the White Knights, a cocaine advocacy group.  “It’s time the government [sniffle] does something about it.”

During the protest, the White Knights collected signatures for a petition that calls on the government to create an independent group to regulate the drug trade.  “We already do it for [sniffle] our vegetables, why not for our drugs?” says Smith.  The new law would make it a federal crime to label cocaine as fair trade without undergoing proper government inspection.

“We have to walk a fine line with this,” said White House press agent Danny Smith.  “The U.S. government takes the coke trade very seriously, but we can’t just change [sniffle] old systems willy nilly.”

Metal Sunday Wednesday: Glacier

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

Band name: Glacier

Genre:  Drone Metal

Themes:  Global warming, playing the same chord for two weeks before moving

Lyrics: “You… don’t… think… we’re… moving… but… we… are…”

Image: Make-up to resemble famed Arctic explorer Ernest Shackleton

Tag line:  “Planting seashells on your mountaintops”

Metal Sunday: 2Pack

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

Band name: 2Pack
Genre:  rap metal
Themes: California, bitches, hos, bad sex tapes, faked deaths
Lyrics: “Throw it up, c’mon/Throw up,  yeah/Let’s show these fools how we do this in the blender/’Cause you know it’s the best in the blender”
Image: bad tattoos, backwards baseball caps
Tag line:  “Ain’t nothing but a nookie party.”

Metal Sunday: Lama Decapitation

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

Band name: Lama Decapitation
Genre:  death metal
Themes:  exile, slaughtering the Chinese, drinking lama’s blood
Lyrics: “I will be the last; lama’s blood is spilled; annihilate the rest; prophecy fulfilled”
Image: black robes, spikes, pentagram tattoos
Tag line:  “Tibetan Constitutional Monarchy”

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