Archive for the ‘Paranormal’ Category

Footprints Killer stumps CSI: NY team

Monday, October 19th, 2009

“No comment.”

That’s all New York Crime Scene Investigation team leader Mac Taylor said about the so-called Footprints Killer, whose latest victim washed up on the shore of a Long Island beach early Monday morning.

While Taylor and his crew refused to comment on the open investigation, Stampworthy located an eyewitnesses to the most recent crime scene.

“I was just walking my dog Jesu on the beach when I came up to a line of yellow tape,” said Mary Stevenson, a Long Island resident.  “I heard about the body that washed up on shore today and I put two and two together, you know?

“There was tape and police officers everywhere, but I could see Detective Taylor and some Spanish lady measuring footprints in the sand,” said Stevenson.  “I recognized them from that reality show about cops.”

The New York Police Department denied any connection between this and a similar case three days ago in which another body was found near a dual and single set of footprints.

“This bothered me,” said Stevenson.  “I saw two sets of prints in the sand.  And further down the beach, there were all these rough patches and only one set of prints.  I bet he carried the victim into the water like in those other cases.”

“There’s got to be something supernatural about this one,” added Stevenson.  “Every other time those guys solve crimes in less than an hour.”

Werewolf sues NY over light pollution

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

An American werewolf in New York is taking the city to court over the effects of light pollution.  “It’s affecting my health and preventing me from leading a normal life,” said Hare E. Bach, the plaintiff who filed the suite.  Bach claims the luminescent glow of lights and buildings obscures moon light, which is vital to his well being.  “Things have gotten pretty hairy lately,” he said.  “I’ve been so depressed I haven’t taken myself for a walk in two months.”

Back claims he’s contacted the city on several occasions about the problem, but that no action has been taken.  “This law suite is frivolous,” said Singapore Hellsing, a representative of the city.  “We’ve heard hide nor hair of Bach until now and besides that, the green night sky is one of the defining characteristics of our skyline,” he said.  “There’s no single silver bullet that will solve this problem to everyone’s satisfaction.”

A judge will hear the case on the next full moon.

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