Pathetic man unable to fulfill sim’s life

Steve Nieves, a 29 year old house painter, is so incapable at the basic tenets of life that he cannot fulfill the life of his character in the popular game Sims 3.A sad, dreamless man watches his simulated character's sad, dreamless existence.

Even though the developers of The Sims series program each character with artificial intelligence that guides them towards self-satisfaction, Steve thwarts his avatar’s every attempt at meaningful existence.

“Well, so my guy, I named him Bart Fart, he wants to be a writer, so the computer wants to make him write,” Nieves muttered in between mouthfulls of chips and beer, “but I’m here playing this game all day, it just doesn’t feel right to make him do more than troll on the internet or play video games.”

Nieves was able to assist his character in one way, however, by giving him the “slob” personality trait.

“Since he’s a slob, he doesn’t get bothered by a messy room, so that makes it easier.  Gives him more time to relax.”

So far after 19 hours of gameplay, only interrupted for a brief masturbation session while watching an illegally downloaded copy of Swordfish, Steve has not managed to obtain any meaningful career or relationship goals for Mr. Fart.

“He’s written about half of a story, and when he finishes it he can sell it for money, but I just keep thinking it’s not fair.  What if he isn’t inspired?  That could really hurt his feelings.  And it totally sucks they don’t have house painting as a career goal.  House painting is good money, and nobody complains if you show up drunk.  Shit, did I have work today?”

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One Response to “Pathetic man unable to fulfill sim’s life”

  1. Rick

    Rick Says:

    And to think–all this time I’ve been wasting precious button clicks on the TIVOed version of Swordfish I recorded from cable.