I don’t want to meet them

While we try to quell tensions in the Middle East and figure out a way to prevent rogue asteroids from obliterating the Earth, a far more ominious threat to mankind lies in wait.

Iridomyrmex purpureus, also known as meat ants, have taken over the entire continent of Australia. Once they run out of sweet sweet koala meat and spicy kangaroos, it’s only a matter of time before they sample and get a taste for human flesh.

They are a crafty bunch, eluding capture by staging surface operations from a system of underground caves and tunnels. Their power is growing–they openly flaunt their numbers in broad daylight. There are also rumors of “super-colonies” connecting multiple meat ant cells.

What’s worse, they’ve forged an alliance with caterpillars and butterflies, protecting the lepidopterans in exchange for an unknown liquid. Satellite images clearly illustrate that they are developing weapons of mass destruction.

We can only pray that the Bush Jr. administration bombs Australia before it’s too late.

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