Happy VD Day

So this has a little more history than Sweetest Day, or Kwanzaa and Jumanji for that matter.

The fact remains that the day was reintroduced just to sell a little bit more lace and bears holding hearts, where after the 14th, the heart is completely awkward looking, and you decide to rip it off.

Just how many times do you need to wrap a piece chocolate? It wont get the rat feces out.

How do you show someone you love them? Throw money at them. “Wait!”, you say, “that isn’t romantic at all.” Oh okay well, convert that money into chocolate and expendable presents. One has to remember that the more cash you throw at gifts, the more you love someone.

Women like dead flowers. Since when did giving someone something dead become a kissable occasion. Try it with anything: rat, tree, baby, Doesn’t work. get her some flowers, so you can say look how beautiful these were. I don’t think there is any better way to symbolize a doomed relationship than wilting and dying flowers. Buy a pack of seeds! They will at least grow and blossom into something bigger.

If you want to really show someone you love them, buy them a rock. One that has every feature of humanity. It has to reflect the environment around it, be incredibly dense, and you have to see right through it. Buy them a rock that has no real physical value, besides the perceived. If your lucky, you may get your mitts on a diamond that had more than a few hands chopped off because of it.

Better yet… give her a severed orphan’s paw. Thats how you say I love you.


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